How to roast your children
2005 June 26
1. Spend a week at the beach applying suntan lotion like you own stock in the company, seeking out every little nook that a ray of sun might tickle and slathering it.
2. Return from beach feeling smug and relieved that children have not been sunburnt.
3. Take children to a friend’s backyard paddling pool for the afternoon and forget to use sunblock.
4. Burn children to a rosy crisp.
5. Feel like awful, useless, inept mother and ransack house for Noxema.
6. No Noxema.
7. Find homeopathy. Hand out belladonna tablets.
8. Find hydrocortisone. Figure it’s good for everything. Put that on them.
9. Imagine the Parent Police coming to confiscate imaginary Mommy license (which there should totally be one of).
10. Have large gin and tonic. Confess in blog.
