Insecurity
I have a very attractive family. Look at this.
And this.
And this.
I know I look through the scratched and dented lenses of love, but even so. Not hard on on the eyes.
I, on the other hand, am another story. Motherhood has not been kind to my sex-goddess aspirations and not just because people my height are physically unsuited to producing giant human larvae (and I have the text-book illustration stretch marks to prove this) but also because no one can continue to look schoolgirl fresh when you haven’t slept 8 hours in a row in almost six years, when you regularly have to clip 30 toe nails and 30 fingernails, when you have to engage in long arguments about why you don’t put plastic bags on your head and when you haven’t had time to look in a mirror all day and only realize at four in the afternoon that your shirt is on inside out and has yogurt on it anyway. Don’t talk to me about Madonna. I mean it — don’t ever talk to me about that mother-impersonator. Just breeding is not enough. Unless you wear full sets of pajamas to bed every single night because you don’t want to have to stagger naked around your children’s room in the wee small hours when they ask for water, pee in the bed or throw up, you have not walked in my sticky shoes.
On the afternoon these photos were taken, Daniel called from the water at the top of his lungs.
Daniel: MOMMY!
Me: Yes?
Daniel: No, I wasn’t talking to you.
Me: Oh no?
Daniel: No, I was calling for another mother. A younger, prettier, blonder mother.
Me: With un-wrinkly knees?
Daniel: Right!
The wrinkly knees reference was from earlier in the day when Daniel launched into another long, ego-destroying rumination on the state of my leg hinges.
I am the weakest link.
They are very attractive, all of them, but you know you are too. That said, the Madonna thing drives me crazy, too. I was somewhere this weekend, maybe Barnes & Noble, where I saw pictures of her on her new English country estate, looking all Lady Gracious and Bountiful. Feh.
Oh yes, Madonna is definitely a born again English Lady. Even down to shooting the bejabers out of game birds.
My mum was ‘nothing special’ to look at, but to me, she was the most beautiful mum in the world. She loved me and did her best for me. One day, Daniel will realise this too.
I think Daniel probably does realize this. I think Daniel knows how to make Mommy laugh. Your family is so adorable I could eat it!!!
I may be biased, but I think you are beautiful. And btw, I have had that verified by objective sources. Seriously, who has non-wrinkly knees anyway?