Disruptions and distractions
The children are starting back to school tomorrow — the last ten days of “school” have been phase-in days — an hour here or there, never both at the same time and both out by 12. It’s actually been very tiring, and I’m not sure what purpose it serves for the children but no matter, it’s over. And tomorrow Daniel is a kindergartener and Helena is a preschooler and I have 2 and a half free hours every weekday morning.
Two and a half free hours. I am giddy, overwhelmed and a little nervous. It will be wonderful, of course. Time to myself? Why, of course, concierge and pass the cognac. It feels decadent and as rich as chocolate mousse and I am trying very hard not to expect that I will suddenly become massively productive or energetic or anything except lazy — at least for a week or two. I might be one of those people sitting in a coffee shop writing something. Or reading something. Or
staring out the window doing nothing but sipping java. I love coffee. Like gin (although unlike gin in that it’s okay to drink it as soon as you wake up) everything about it says “adult” to me in the sultry, lazy voice of someone who can sleep naked and NEVER be bothered by children asking her to check under the bed, keep them company while they poo or explain why sheep get shorn.
Tomorrow I think I will drop them off, take my knitting and a novel, go to Mugshots and try and bag a comfy chair. If I get bored, I will not try and write sonnets or paint staircases but I will practice being bored. I can hardly imagine being bored. I can hardly imagine being idle. But I am going to try and damn it, I’m not a quitter.
Oh. My. Gosh! That’s it!!! You actually put it into the exactly right words! I’ve been trying to describe the feeling for years! I felt the same way when I sent my preschooler off. Last year I had 2.5 hours two days a week. This year I have 3 hours 3 days a week! It just keeps getting better. It’s amazing how much energy it takes to keep the “mommy radar” on all the time! Enjoy your time off.
I love the way you describe the adult attitude of coffee. That’s also a necessity in my life and you just explained why! It’s my connection to the world of adults.
I love your blog and I will be back again!
that sounds so nice. why am i so jealous of your 2.5 hours when i can technically do whatever i want whenever i’m not at work? i guess it’s cause i’m busy babysitting myself. i should send myself to preschool so i can go to a coffeeshop and enjoy being a pretend adult.
love
dan