Continuing torture by education (not addressed by the Geneva Convention)
I wrote earlier about the horrendous and stress-riddled nightmare of applying to schools for an almost-six-year-old. Then there came the too terrible to even blog about horror film of financial aid applications. Now, there are the rejection letters.
Three of the five schools we applied to have said no thank you. A fourth has said, ooh, well, if we have a place we would take him but right now we don’t have a place for him. Find him another school and we’ll let you know.
These schools are saying no for what seem like a variety of reasons, but which all boil down to the same thing — he’s too much work. He would take too much attention. He’s too challenging. Oh, clearly he’s bright. Clearly he can do the work, but well, maybe in a few years if you would like to apply again, maybe then he’d be calmer. More cooperative. Easier. One admissions person admitted that she had “just fallen in love” with him, but that really, this wasn’t the right place for him. Well, I asked, what would be the right place? And she thought for a minute and suggested a school in the middle of Lancaster County. “You’re not really well situated, where you’re living,” she said. Ah yes. Not well situated. In one of the largest cities on the east coast of the United States. Right.
I think this wave of rejection (which Daniel knows nothing about, of course) must at least in part prompted that whole wave of insecurity I wrote about last post. (For which I thank you all for your thoughts, for sharing your own insecurities and for supporting me. I really really appreciate it — to know, more than anything else, that I’m sharing the boat I’m in with such great people.) Rejection, even polite rejection, is hard to stomach. And for my child? My brilliant, emotional, interesting, challenging, absolutely un-ordinary child? I can hardly keep from throwing poison darts or from collapsing sobbing on the floor. Why, my heart cries, does no one want this child? My child. My wonderful, complex, operatic, loving child. And meanwhile, my brain is buzzing along trying to come up with Plan B. Because fact is, he needs to be in school somewhere next year. And not at home because what he needs to learn, he can’t learn here.
Thanks for coming by my blog and leaving a comment! I had never heard of him before Quizilla, but he is a certain kind of genius.
I am lucky to live where the public school system is tolerable, and sometimes even great. However, my youngest child has not until this year (5th grade) been well-served by it. The first three years were a nightmare of parent/teacher/principal consultations, of teachers who frankly had no business teaching. I cannot imagine sending him off into a school system that was already distrusted.
It is not fair that Daniel is so wonderful and bright, and no one will take the opportunity to shape him and teach him. They all want the square peg for their square holes, and the peg that is round, or triangular, or octogonal is not accomodated. I feel your frustration, and I hope you find just the right place for him – the place that will not only recognize, but welcome his uniqueness.
I am baffled as to why the schools would say no to Daniel. I have not met him but I would really like to meet him.
Stress, challenge, wrong time, wrong place, insecurities, rejection, …Your blog entry makes me want to help so here are my, possibly fantasy driven and completely off-base, comments:
Here, if a child is to be home schooled, they still must register with a school in their district. This way the school still receives funding for that student and the student has access to the schools resources such as the library, textbooks, and a description of the curriculum that is being followed.
Is there a remote possibility that any of these schools would be willing to take Daniel as a student on a long distance learning plan until he is “calmer”? He seems to be very good at learning with whatever is within his reach and the challenge is putting the correct and most stimulating information before him. The school could provide that information. As a paying student of the school he would still be eligible for the financial aid and the school could calculate his brilliance into their grade point averages. Perhaps?
I know you stated “not at home” but I am just trying to come up with something that takes care of both the wrong place and the wrong time.
I still hope that the next two letters are not like the first three.
Alas I have no answers for you:(No magic solution and not even a magic wand so I could get Daniel into any school your heart desires. What baffels me is that a school could reject a child,any child!!!
God love you.
You’ve discovered the Faustian bargain about blogging (sorry to be so dammed literary, but som’un’s gotta be). Anyway, blogging is all about the thrill of publishing versus agony of existential sun-burn (over exposure). In otherwords, you can show off your amazing sense of fashion to the neighbors – but you have to air the laundry to do so.
Anyway, there’s a reason why they invented something called the op-ed column: It allows the less bold among us to throw stones at the more brazen while cowering behind the TRUTH. Personally, I like that. You should write op-Eds. Just don’t piss off your husband.
By the way, they have also invented something else that’s new. It’s called fiction. I like that too (It’s in vogue right now. The president happens to LOVE fiction).
- Your friendly neighborhood Coffee guy.
OH, About Daniel’s Schooling: Regardless of what you find in terms of private schools, Go to your local public school and ask for a multifactored assessment. This will legally determine exactly what his needs are. Every child is entitled by law to a Free and Appropriate Public Education. Gifted children – Daniel – are no exception. They are protected as having special needs that your local public school is required by law to accomodate.
You may even qualify for tuition reimbursement from your local public school district if they can not provide for him.
If you need it, there is such a thing as a child education advocate who will champion Daniel to the Local BOE at no cost to you. I can’t tell you how to find one in Philly. But get Daniel an assessment and that may open some doors.
I agree with what the Coffee Snarfer said above: it is the school system’s responsibility to find an appropriate place. It’ll be a nightmare, dealing with the bureacrazy (I think I’ll let that typo stand), but in the end, it just might work for you.
Poor you, though! Why does everything have to be so hard all the time!
I can’t believe that they did this to you? In Canada, a school is not allowed to turn away a child for any reason other than there is no more room. When I was working as a teacher it was made very clear to us that we had to accomodate EVERY child in our classroom . . . and that could be anything (e.g. special needs, ESL, physical handicap, learning disability, etc.) I had to undergo training to deal with a variety of different students. I’m shocked that they would turn away your son!! That is not right. If I were you, I would become a huge pain in the ass to deal with.
I’m sorry that you are having to endure this!