The future
Apparently, the human brain has no facility for future planning. We have memory centers and active thought processors. Places to sense things, feel things and twist things into enormous nightmare blobs but there’s no sticky note section which allows us to make a To Do Tomorrow list. The only place the brain can put those thoughts is in the active thought place. Which means that trying to keep those lists in our brains actually interferes with our ability to think clearly. Which is why making lists (like my father) is a good idea.
I am only an intermittently good list maker. I do surrender often to hubris and think, I can remember that. I don’t have to write it down. Then my head explodes or I forget to buy milk or something else disastrous.
Thing is, much of what I ought to be thinking about right now is the future. What, exactly will we do with Daniel next year? What is going on this summer? When is the first t-ball game and how do we get the uniform? How will I organize my work schedule once school is over? What about my sister’s wedding? Bridal shower? What the hell is for supper tonight?
Little things, but all together they make a cacophonous symphony of diaphonous dread. It’s not comfortable and I have no been blogging because I cannot get past the noise to think clearly. But that is going to stop. I am going to go be Zen and sit knitting for half an hour while the children have a dance class. And then make chicken for supper. And while they eat, I am going to make some lists.
SM, have you not discovered the wonders of Flylady??? I’m sure you’d love her
Actually, if you take some of it with a pinch of salt, her daily mentoring mails are very useful for organising just the things you’ve been talking about.
http://www.flylady.net/
but lists are good too.
I may have to check out that address; I make lists – I make lists for my lists; I find little lists all over the place and end up throwing them out because they are no longer relevant. I wish they had a computer program that could read my brain and make a list for me on my computer. I think I spend more time trying to make and organize lists than getting it done perhaps because I feel the need for organization and because I am always so tired (maybe from those mental lists) – lists suck…but I need my lists! There is a new book out called The Book of Lists but it doesn’t have any lists that will help us. Okay I am going to check out the Flylady!
For the past two nights, I have been sitting in an emergency room with an autistic boy with bi-polar. He is in four point restraints and is being heavily medicated.
I cannot let him go home with his parents because I believe they are abusing him. I also believe Mom is being abused by her husband.
No one will take him under their care because of the behaviors. I am at my wit’s end. And I am crying the rest of the time that I’m not in the ER with this child. I am thinking about the other fifty clients on my caseload, and my wedding, and my weight loss, and that last cigarette I just had, and mostly, I am thinking: What will I do for this child?
I have failed him, I think.
The state has failed him.
So, I don’t really know what this has to do with your post, other than to say that sometimes the windmills are churning so much, we simply must center ourselves, and find out what’s most important, and eat the elephant bite by bite.
Just don’t lose the lists! They are difficult to rewrite because the information often leaves the mind and settles in the lists as soon as they are written. At least that is what happens to me.
I did not sleep this week for the same reason. Sometimes you just can’t stop your mind from racing.
The trouble with writing lists is ..that I forget to write lists!!
I always thought I was a compulsive list writer – then I met my husband. Now I realise that I am just a frequent list writer…
It’s good to know that our households obsessive behaviour can be justified!!
Interesting thoughts about the brain. I’ll make a mental sticky note and remember this fact. Hee hee