Blogging and time
I have been blogging for more than a year. I am proud of what I wrote some days, and less so of others. Trying to find a balance between the personal and the publishable is hard.
Last summer a good friend and I had a bad moment and I wrote about it here. I wrote some very unkind things because I was hurt and confused. And sometimes this site is like therapy for me. But since then we’ve patched things up and then recently she read my blog and I had forgotten that I had ever written such unkind things and now she’s read them and is hurt. Very hurt. Understandably. And our friendship might be over. Because of what I wrote.
I am sorry. You might never read this but I didn’t mean to hurt you. I wish I could take it all back. Why am I still having to learn these lessons when in other ways I’m so terribly old?
Oh, SM, how horrible. I know that humiliated burning in the cheeks feeling when you know you did wrong.
Once, due to a crazy cell-phone redial, a long voicemail was left on someone’s machine, capturing a conversation where my friends and I dissected every part of her that made her wrong for our friend who she was seeing. She was gracious, but what an ass I felt like.
I almost posted some very snarky, negative things about my husband’s step-mother on the blog the weekend, because, well, it was true. But my husband was the voice of reason and advised me to just not do it. Ever. Lots of editing and deleting ensued.
You’re human. it’s OK.
I’m sorry. I hope your friendship isn’t over.
This is rough. However, I hope your friend knows that anyone reading knew you were venting in the heat of the moment – because much of the time a blog is like therapy journaling. It’s a given that it is one side of the story, and of course she, too, has a side.
My best friend and I have had some near-rending honest moments in our long relationship. We’ve forgiven each other our tresspasses and unkind words, and our friendship is all the stronger now.
Thank you for this lesson. Perhaps we should all take a look at our ancient blogs and do some editing, in the interest of relationship preservation.
You wrote it, and thought it but most people hopefully understand that we all think and say stuff that has a different perspective over time, what the heck, I love your blog, I like the way you think. Maybe your friendship will grow because of it, a good air clearing session with a bottle of wine might be in order, if its worth saving…now maybe thats the real question.
And Dorothy Parker said some really wild stuff!!
Ouch.
Sorry to hear that. Friend- if you are here reading, forgive her please! Sometimes we bloggers forget to have proper boundaries.
ugh. That sucks. I really really try hard never to talk about real friendships, but if I were in your position I probably would have done the same. Therapy in blogging totally is cheaper and I do it all the time … I really really hope she can see it for last year’s hurt and not today’s friend love …
I just discovered your blog.
Is your friend angry that you had the feelings which you expressed or angry that you wrote about it publicly?
If she is embarrassed/angry/hurt by the publicness of it, I think you can work on that (especially since a blog does seem to occupy this gray zone between public billboard and private diary).
If she is angry that you had the feelings you had, well, I am not sure what you can do. I mean, she can’t expect you to change how you felt at the time.
Good luck!
My Memere told me when I was small (and indiscreet) to ask myself three questions about anything I wanted to blurt out: Is it true, is it necessary, is it kind? If whatever words I held on my tongue (or in my heart) didn’t pass that test, I would be wise to either rephrase or refrain. You seem such a thoughtful person and have a wonderful way with words. No doubt your friend sees this about you, too, and will perhaps give you a chance to set things right. Blogs are such publically personal journals. I think it brave to explore and share your feelings this way.