Loving Each One Best
Tonight at table, Daniel said: “I think you love Helena more than you love me. Just a little bit.”
I was knitting so I could take a moment before I said anything. I wanted to leap over the table and catch the boy in my arms and kiss away his fear but that would have been almost rude, almost disrespectful. While it is not true that I love Helena more, she is younger and easier to smooch. She also inspires less outright irritation (although not much). He of course notices this. But I understand Daniel more. In some ways, my soul is more interknit with his and his moments of grace are more precious to me, because they are more rare.
“I think,” I said, “that it is one of the mysteries of being a mother, that I love you with all my heart, and I love Helena with all my heart.”
Helena said cheerfully, “So you have two hearts.”
I nodded. “In a way. I have a heart full of love for Helena. And I have a heart full of love for Daniel.”
We stopped for a moment for what Daniel called “icky, slobbery, gooshy, big five-minute kisses.”
That over, Daniel eyed me. “Where are these hearts, Mommy?”
“In my soul,” I said. (He can’t catch me out that easy.)
“In your… I know where your soul is,” he said thoughtfully, his hand floating over his body. He touched his forehead. He touched his heart, then his stomach, his fingers like a butterfly alighting on flower after flower, tasting them. Then he grinned. “I do know where your soul is. It’s on your feet. You can’t have two hearts in your feet.”
“S-O-U-L. Not S-O-L-E.”
“Oh. Then I don’t know where it is.”
Me either, kid.
sniff, sniff.
Tissue please?
daniel is so cute, and well you- you know how I feel about you.
I have no clue where my soul is either some days.
A touching post. Your children, and in turn, you, are lucky to have each other.
Isn’t it amazing the love your own children can activate? I told my own four (when the question came up as to whom I loved best) that each person or thing I loved made my heart grow and my oldest boy concluded that one day I would be just one big walking talking heart. Not a bad goal, eh?
Krista, please don’t use all the tissues! Give those kids a few big slobbery kisses from us.
Son keeps asking me who I love more, David (his Papa) or him. While I love David with all my heart #1, heart #2 for my child seems so much bigger and more enveloping that David and I quickly recognized it.
Son then asked me if, when he has a child, if he will love me more, his partner more, or his child more. I realized that the answer will certainly not be me. This normal progression is heartbreaking….
Man, whoever said girls were more in touch with their emotions than boys??
I like thinking that my soul is in my feet – it seems practical.
My middle child is convinced we love him best. When I tell him that we love all three of them the best he looks at me and says “yeah, right, sure mom.
Oh this is so sweet. I will have to save your comments for when my sons ask me these questions. The older one is only 4.5 yrs so it hasn’t come up yet, but I know it will.
teeheehee…
this is so touching and
yet amusing at the same time…
he sounds very droll.
heehee
Are there any tissues left, I need some over here!
Oh, I know what it is like to be the prickly, older child and to feel that the cuddly, well adjusted younger child is the more beloved. Except, in my case, my mother doesn’t understand me at all and thinks she and my brother are the same (she is dead wrong on that front…she doesn’t understand my brother either).
Ok I so adore how smart your kids are! Too cool that you were able to explain the two hearts thing!
Amen, sister! Well done! My Mom used to say to a similar type inquiry, “Well.. I love you in a ‘RAchael’ way, and I love your brother in a ‘Kirk’ way…” and so on.
I think your sole-ful answer is better though.
Beautiful post! Thank you.