Why actors should not be allowed to procreate
Right, so Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes got married in some Italian castle and apparently (according to the BBC so it must be true) they are off now on honeymoon.
Wedding. Honeymoon. Fine.
Oh wait. You have a baby. A baby, dudes. Remember? How’s that honeymoon workin’ out for you? Let’s listen in…
Oh darling, let me change her diaper. After all, it’s our honeymoon.
No, no, lovelump. I’m sure her raging fever is nothing to worry about. Let’s samba.
Here. You hold the baby while I slip into something more comfortable.
Oh oh oh oh oh yes darling yes yes the baby IS crying!
Wedded bliss.
In other Tom and Katie news, their marriage ceremony included certain Scientology extras including (according to the BBC so you know…) a promise that they will never go to bed before finishing an argument. Which sounds like kind of a nice promise. Groovy, healthy loving stuff. Except that, this being scientology, it’s likely that they are not allowed to go to bed with an argument still going on lest the aliens come and suck out their brains with alien brain straws or lest Lord Wowzer rain his purple wrath upon them in the form of shrunken dates.
Oh, and did you know that this fabulous Italian wedding is likely not recognized as even a legitimate civil union? The Mayor of Bracciano commented that her office had not received a request for a civil marriage certificate from TomKat. Apparently, Italian law requires couples to be married by a clergymember from a religion recognized by the reppublica. Scientology is not one of them.
That baby is with a nanny on a spaceship.
I’m pretty sure the brain-sucking aliens aren’t going to have too much to work with in any case.
Yeah I think the brain-sucking aliens have already been to work. Heard it on BBC.
I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again. We need a constitutional amendment banning celebrity marriage.
MMWWWWaaaahahahahaha…