Comments on: Being the grown up

By: Anonymous

Anonymous — Mon, 08 Jan 2007 03:42:00 +0000

We moved from PA to FL when Wizard was about the same age as Daniel (+- a year). What helped was honesty inside and outside the process. I told him why he was going to his grandparents (househunting), that we'd call him nightly while we were away, and that I would take pictures to show him. I did all of these things, and I also bought him an age-appropriate book about moving. Mr. Rogers and The Berenstain Bears (usu. barf) have pretty good books on the subject. If these are too juvenile, I'll look for older titles.

Instead of telling him he doesn't have to think about "these things," encourage him to do so. A great creative exercise would be to have him draw a picture of his dream house and the dog he would get if he could. Have him make a list of things he would really like his new house or neighborhood to have. Interview him and see what's important to him, e.g. a park down the street or a playset in the backyard. You can go on to remind him that he will not get everything on his wishlist, but that you will try very hard to make sure one wish comes true.

If he's old enough to understand surfing the Internet, kill a little time with him one afternoon looking at houses for sale in that area or at websites of the community, etc.

By: Anonymous

Anonymous — Mon, 08 Jan 2007 03:09:00 +0000

Oh, moving–the stress and duress. Give yourself grace–and I like the Google Earth idea.

By: alimum

alimum — Sun, 07 Jan 2007 20:31:00 +0000

I, too, will be the grown up for you and tell you to trust yourself, it will all be okay...I say this as someone who lost her marbles (literally, I haven't found the box in which we stashed them) in the aftermath of the move. Eventually, it all works out. But you already know all that.

Would it help Daniel to look at maps of the new town? Have you checked out Google Earth and what the place looks like from above? The microquestions (how many windows will my room have and will it be mine and only mine?) may be unanswerable at present, but perhaps the macroquestions can be addressed (in part) using the miracle that is the internet.

Good luck!

By: charlotte

charlotte — Sun, 07 Jan 2007 19:47:00 +0000

I struggle with this dichotomy too – a part of me hates the grown-up stuff of tax forms and so on, but another part of me accepts that for all the small people in my life I have to be that person. Good luck on your path and in helping Daniel on his.

By: Anonymous

Anonymous — Sun, 07 Jan 2007 15:58:00 +0000

It is such a scary time for children. But I am always amazed at how resilient and brave they are when faced with challenges.

By: kelly

kelly — Sun, 07 Jan 2007 14:41:00 +0000

Wishing you smooth sailing for this adventure.

By: Anonymous

Anonymous — Sun, 07 Jan 2007 05:29:00 +0000

Holding your fears and taking care of them. Oh, so true. As soon as Hannah found out we weren’t accepting the job, and she didn’t have to worry about moving and leaving her friends, she immediately started worrying (again) about money and where it’s gonna come from. And I tell her what you told Daniel – that’s our job. You and I will both find those answers, one by one, as annoying as it is to not just have them already!

By: Abby

Abby — Sun, 07 Jan 2007 05:08:00 +0000

I am a grown-up (at least I believe I am one), and I am also moving, and I have most of Daniel’s questions and more. Will there be girls my own age I can knit with? What will my job be like? Will my sofa fit in the living room? Will it all be okay?

Sometimes I wish I had a mother to manage this move and tell me everything’s going to be all right.

By: krista

krista — Sun, 07 Jan 2007 03:02:00 +0000

Pssst, you can tell your fears to me, and I promise, I will be as best of a grown up friend as possible, and hold my fears in private for you- but continue to say, TRUST ME, you can handle anything.

Because, you know- it’s true.