To the grave
Helena is worried about death these days. It seems such a sad thing for such a little child to be worried about, but in the end, we all need to confront the spectre of our lives’ end and see how we stand up in the face of that unknown.
Last night she held my hand and said, “When we are both one hundred and it is time for us to die, we will hold hands and then we won’t be scared.”
And she is right — the very thought of it makes me myself feel less scared, to come to the end of life and have the comfort of a loving hand. She wants us to be buried together so that we will never ever be apart.
Like these two skeletons. There is something so perfect and beautiful about their embrace in death, thumbing their noses at Andrew Marvell:
The grave’s a fine and private place
But none (I think) do there embrace.
I know that in truth, we will not likely hold each other for eternity in the ground and that we will not in fact care, once death claims us. But I hold her now, and my son and my Ed and think, if I could, I would hold you forever.
Oddly enough, i was just thinking about the phrase “We all die alone” when I went onto your site (nothing to do with you, I promise!) So I found this especially poignant:
“When we are both one hundred and it is time for us to die, we will hold hands and then we won’t be scared.”
Please give your daughter’s hand a respectful little squeeze from me.
Time has transfigured them into
Untruth. The stone fidelity
They hardly meant has come to be
Their final blazon, and to prove
Our almost-instinct almost true:
What will survive of us is love.
http://home.clara.net/stevebrown/html/an_arundel_tomb.htm
I remember thinking that same exact thing when I was younger.
I swear I had children just so there would be people to hold my hand and usher me lovingly into death.
What a lovely child you have. I’m so glad that you are reporting her words, transcribing them, and I hope that as an adult she is able to see some of the amazing things she said. Because they are amazing, and she is amazing.
I wondered all day about those skeletons, after I saw them. The people at the dig must have been amazed at this find. How did they die – why together? Were they comforted, holding one another? How could they not have been?
Helena is exactly right and so very wise for her years.
I would be less scared of death if I knew I could walk through its doors with the ones I love. I don’t want to go alone and I don’t want to be left behind.
Our son went through a huge death stage about three years ago. Once he asked us how people knew they should go to the cemetery. We couldn’t understand what he meant–until he finally said frustratedly, “Well, I mean, if they didn’t know when to go to the graveyard, they might die in their front yard or at work or something.” Ah, yes…