Other days
Perhaps this wasn’t such a good idea. I mean, on the one hand NaBloPoMo and NaNoWriMo are things that are very much for me, which is a good thing at this point on the arc of the move. Having supported, accommodated, made room, moved over and generally made sure that everyone else is (more or less) okay, it would be good to immerse myself in a project which is fundamentally selfish. Not in a bad way, but in a sort of inward turning (minus all the depressive angst bit) way.
But on the other hand, taking on these twin projects, as I did last year, brings last year back to mind too sharply. 1 November 2006. Daniel was in a school that finally seemed to love him, want him, do right by him. Helena was happier at school. Ed was in what looked like the final stages of his dissertation. I had found a wonderful coffee shop. I had bought a laptop even. Work was going well. Life was going pretty well. Writing flowed. I felt happy. Contented. Settled.
By the middle of the month, Ed knew he wanted the job here in Carlisle. By the end of the first week of December, he had it. And soon after that accepted it. But as soon as he said he wanted it, I looked up and could see all this order I had finally found begin to dissolve. The coffee shop. The school. The time to write. My life as I knew it.
So in fact, this is a hard day for me. Because last year, 1 November was an almost perfect day. And that is all gone. And I am still far more deeply in mourning for it than I would like to be.
So I had written a sparky post about slutfest Halloween costumes but in fact this was the post that needed writing. I need to know that this is what’s going on right now. I need to still say — I can do this. I can be here, now, in all its relatively lesser perfection. And I can still write. I am still here. I am still me. Finding time for what is important. Making time.
Last year: Time After Time
Yeah! Me too. I think that is exactly why I chose to do this stupid nablopomo thing amidst the busiest month ever for me (with the move and all)
Force myself to make time.
I was happy and settled last November too. Funny life.
I’m so glad you’re doing this too Stunts, and so glad that you are making time for yourself to do this a priority, even though it’s hard and inconvenient.
can you tell me more about this endeavor?
Hey Hope! Which endeavor did you mean? NaNoWriMo? Or surviving being somewhere new?
lol…yes that was obtuse wasn’t it? Actually both questions are good…you are busy tho so take on whichever one you want I can pace myself and ask you the other one tomorrow…
Oh yeah….
finding time to write. That’s why I signed up for both of them too. Glad to see I’m not the only masochist! I’m hoping that by the end of the long weekend we have here in Melbourne (we get a holiday for a horse race) I’ll have a coherent idea as to where my novel is going to go. Or at the very least I’ll have more than 1 character in my head…
I felt terrible for years after our move to FL. Instead of being kind to myself I resented my husband for bringing us here. I think when I finally accepted that it was ok to be sad I got over it. Well, ok, I’ll never be over it, but I was not homesick on a daily basis anymore. This took ten years. I hope that you can be kinder to yourself than I was, that you can sit with the mourning for what was and start feeling better about it when the mourning is done.
You can lament 11/1/06 all you want or you can accept that it was a turning point in your life. Life lessons are far easier to stomach than sad anniversaries. Now you’re in South Central PA (which is almost as good as Central PA
); DS is in school; DD is fine. All you have to do is dust off the laptop and find a new coffee shop. It won’t take you 10 years to adjust to college-town life. 6-8 months maybe.